Honor
I have a friend of many years. When we get together we talk about, relationships, both with others and ours, Zen, and life. My friend is very smart but does not take full responsibility for his actions or inactions. Instead he uses his intellect to create excellent rationales for excuses. One evening I brought this to his attention, having confidence in the Zen adage: Love he who tells you your faults in private. Defensively he answered, “I don’t think that’s true, sometimes things just happen.”
“But that is just another justification, like saying it’s fate or serendipity.”
“No, junk happens that’s out of your control. Like your computer loses information or you get hit by a car or lose a companion.”
“But isn’t that your fault because you didn’t back up on a separate drive or have more awareness of what’s around you, or have sensitivity or make a positive effort?”
“Hey, shit happens.”
“That’s just a rationalization for not taking accountability. If you acted, then it produced a reaction. Unless it is, or was, completely out of your control, you are responsible. I think that even if I gave you the secret of life you would find a way to avoid culpability or act.” I teased.
“All right, tell me the secret of life.” He said, as he looked up and rolled his eyes.
“The secret of life, and many other exceptional ideas about relationships are in my new book, AWayToLoveLaugh.Com. All you have to do is just click my site and buy it on Amazon.”
“I think with all the help I have given you, with editing you’re writing, you should just give me the book for free.”
Satoru

Bob and Mike grew up together and became partners. One day Mike caught Bob opening their safe and taking out money. “Bob, how can you do this to me? I supported you in all your endeavors. I got you your coop apartment before I got mine, because you had to move out of your crazy girlfriends place, and you made thousands when you sold it. I loaned you money to start your business that you never paid back. I gave you good advice throughout your career. How can you have so little regard for me?”
“Yes, all that is true. But what have you done for me lately?”

Reciprocity should come easily and often. For some however, even if you positively changed their lives significantly for years, by your interaction, support, creativity, work, and actions, it is not enough. Perhaps you should develop some new friendships?
Satoru

The first sin or original sin was the knowledge of good and evil. We have forgotten that the second sin is speaking clearly. These are man’s affronts against God, the child against the parent and the citizen against the state. This is why, when as a human Adam commits these sins, he is punished. Such is the price for being civilized and communicating. Is there any doubt that if Jesus came to earth again and preached we would first put him on television and then, after he established himself as a leader, either assassinate or crucify him again.
Our price for being civilized is to allow a multiplicity of controls to be placed on us. Our task is to assert our individualism and evolve while dovetailing into our society, an almost Sisyphusian task.

Say little. But when you speak, utter gentle words that touch the heart. Be truthful. Express kindness. Abstain from vanity. This is the way. Satoru