I have a friend of many years. When we get together we talk about, relationships, both with others and ours, Zen, and life. My friend is very smart but does not take full responsibility for his actions or inactions. Instead he uses his intellect to create excellent rationales for excuses. One evening I brought this to his attention, having confidence in the Zen adage: Love he who tells you your faults in private. Defensively he answered, “I don’t think that’s true, sometimes things just happen.”
“But that is just another justification, like saying it’s fate or serendipity.”
“No, junk happens that’s out of your control. Like your computer loses information or you get hit by a car or lose a companion.”
“But isn’t that your fault because you didn’t back up on a separate drive or have more awareness of what’s around you, or have sensitivity or make a positive effort?”
“Hey, shit happens.”
“That’s just a rationalization for not taking accountability. If you acted, then it produced a reaction. Unless it is, or was, completely out of your control, you are responsible. I think that even if I gave you the secret of life you would find a way to avoid culpability or act.” I teased.
“All right, tell me the secret of life.” He said, as he looked up and rolled his eyes.
“The secret of life, and many other exceptional ideas about relationships are in my new book, AWayToLoveLaugh.Com. All you have to do is just click my site and buy it on Amazon.”
“I think with all the help I have given you, with editing you’re writing, you should just give me the book for free.”